


it makes you nervous (i promise it's worth it)

by problematiquefave



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ficlet, First Kiss, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 00:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21027143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/problematiquefave/pseuds/problematiquefave
Summary: The morning after Sirius almost kisses Remus.





	it makes you nervous (i promise it's worth it)

Sirius wakes up with his stomach in knots. His eyes open and he stares at the ceiling of his four poster bed and he _doesn’t think_. Thinking is bad. Feeling – but not that type of feeling – is better. Feeling the clammy sheets beneath his bare back. Tasting the dryness in his mouth. Smelling the rank odor of the dorm he shares with three other boys. Listening to Peter’s soft snores, like running tap water, and James’ closemouthed mumbles, which are probably about Lily. 

All well and good but not permanent. And rolling over in bed isn’t an option either. Sleep eludes him. The sand in the corners of his eyes is heavy not sticky. Thoughts trickle in like melting snow. The memory blooms in his mind, unfolding one petal after another.

There was the _look_. Green eyes meeting his, winkles at their corners.

Then the _grin_. Small and wry and oh so beautiful.

Next, the _warmth_. His breath on Sirius’ skin as the huddled closer.

And then, _almost_, the…

The almost kiss.

But that’s not the last petal. It keeps unfolding. There’s his bare feet on the ground, the splinters from the scraped up floor of the shrieking shack, the cool night air flooding his lungs as he escapes, the howls that night he swears sound furious.

If he were Remus, he’d be angry too.

But he’s Sirius – a seriously big wanker – and he’s lying in bed instead of… of what? _Something_. He’s got to do something. 

A sigh that weighs as much as the moon escapes him as he pushes back the sheets. He slips his feet into slippers before they touch the cold floor. Take a leak, brush his teeth, mess with his hair. _Think_. Thinking is bad and, even if it weren’t, Sirius isn’t very good at it. But the cogs in his brain grind together and spit out something resembling a plan. 

Step 1: food.

Step 2: the infirmary.

Step 3: apologize.

Step 4: hope for the best.

It’s a Saturday morning and Sirius is one of the first few up. There’s a seventh year with hair to rival James’ studying in the common room. There’s a couple of blood-shot, giggling girls staring at moving paintings. The great hall is scattered with yawning, pajama-clad students who ignore him as he grabs a plate and piles it with carefully selected food. They continue to ignore him as he leaves. It’s like he’s more invisible than the ghosts but _no_. When he enters the infirmary, Remus spots him instantly.

There’s no yelling or shouting. Coldness, yes – eyes like ice watch him closely – but the moment lacks fury. Better or worse? Hard to decide, so Sirius doesn’t. He just speaks.

“_I’m sorry_.”

Remus blinks at him.

Sirius’ heart sinks.

Then, “For what?”

His lips part but he freezes. Good question. He exhales an unamused laugh and looks down. “Running away.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Then try again.”

_Try… again…? _The cogs whir again, slowly gaining speed until it clicks into place.

“Kiss you again?”

Remus snorts. An unattractive sound that makes Sirius’ insides melt.

“You didn’t the first time,” he points out. “Try again.”

Sirius doesn’t have to be told a third time.

**Author's Note:**

> [accepting prompts on tumblr.](https://problematiquefics.tumblr.com/ask)


End file.
